The scary thing about life is that as time goes on, you don’t really realize what all you’ve missed until it’s staring you right in the face. Ever since we were kids, we had fond memories of India, but they were of superficial things as one can expect when they were made at such a young age. Besides the fond memories of flying kites with our uncles on the roof, being fed rice in our hands while watching Tin Tin, or playing in the garden and on the roof for hours every day, our impressions of India were mostly what we saw in our home videos. We itched for a chance to go back to see our family (mostly our grandparents), but after 12 years of not seeing or hearing much from anyone, the whole situation became more “you can’t miss what you never realized you had.” Life took over and as we got busy with school, our friends, and our activities, the family we had in India became distant memories. For me personally, I felt like I never missed out on the aspect of family, for what I lacked in interaction with my blood relatives in India, I made up for tenfold with the amazing community of friends we grew up with here. All my friends were more like family than anything, and at the time, that was more than enough for me. I mean don’t get me wrong, we knew we had an Ammamma and Thathayya in India who adored and loved us more than anything. But besides a few awkward phone conversations every few months and our birthday cards from them that we anticipate every year, they were just our grandparents by blood. We knew we had a Srikanth Mama, Karuna Atta, Devi Pinni, Anupam Babai, Sreenu Mama, and Satya Atta in India who loved us dearly. That we did have cousins Saranga, Arundhathi, and little Shreya that knew we existed. But that was just it. We knew they existed. Knowing someone is there and knowing someone personally are two very different things. And I figured after not seeing these people during the years I grew and changed the most, that there was no chance of ever having more of a relationship with any of them than that. But life has an interesting way of putting experiences and people in your path at the times you need them the most.

Finding out that we were going to India after more than a decade was such a surreal experience. Thathayya had gotten hurt earlier in the year and Amma had gone to see him. Since then, I guess he kept saying how much he wanted to see us again (keep in mind the last time they saw the three of us, Sriya was in 10th grade, me in 9th, and Srivi was in 7th). It’s such a struggle trying to coordinate a trip for 4 people to go anywhere, let alone internationally. Schedules, activities, work, money, and so many things have to line up for that to happen. Casually one day in June, Amma and I were talking when she just says, “Should we go to India?” This wasn’t unusual for us because we always talked about hypothetical situations in which we’d all get to go to India together. So I said sure and we started talking potential dates. I thought we both were daydreaming together like we usually did and was suddenly caught off guard when Amma picks up the phone and says she’s calling the travel agent. In a short span of time (literally, this all transpired in a bout 3 hours), a dream I had had for at least the last 10 years was actually coming true. When Amma hung up the phone and said “Tickets are booked. We’re going to India this summer for 5 weeks!” shocked with excitement is the only way to describe my feelings. And I always have believed that you really know that people love you and care about you when they’re genuinely excited for you about things going on in your life. When we eventually told our friends about our trip, most of them were more excited than us. It was actually very sweet.

Srivi and I still talk about how we didn’t believe we were actually going to India until we actually pulled up to the gate at Ammamma and Thathayya’s home. When we left home for the airport that afternoon, it felt like we were just going there to pick up Nanna like usual. Then we went through security and even got on the plane. We waited in the Boston airport and flew the ridiculously lengthy flight to Dubai. And even after flying to Hyderabad from Dubai, going through security, and getting our bags in the Hyderabad airport, it still felt like an out of body experience. I don’t think it was until we saw Srikanth Mama waiting for us at the airport (besides one picture that Amma took of him in February, that was the first time we saw his face in 12 years) and felt the warmth and humidity of the air that we realized that we were home. But the best part of that first day was coming home and then exploring the house we used to run through all the time as kids. Srikanth Mama and Ammamma were really excited for us to go see the entire house to see if it was like how we remembered. Let me tell you, growing up that house seemed so huge. Even in the videos it looked massive. It’s really not that large. But one thing that stood out to me the most: I’m usually a great judge of character in individuals and places. If I don’t feel comfortable in a place, I’ll know it immediately and I’ll be miserable until I go somewhere else. And even though it had been 12 years since I had been there last, there was more love in those walls than I could comprehend and it instantly felt like home.

After that first day of just chilling at home, we all passed out early because jet lag was kicking our butts, but we were excited because Sreenu Mama, Satya Atta, and Shreya were driving in from Warangal that night to spend time with us too. They got in late so we didn’t see them until the next morning but it was still nice. The next day was also really nice. We just unpacked our things and hung out around the house. It was fun talking to and catching up with Sreenu Mama and Satya Atta, even playing with Shreya! And then later in the afternoon, Srikanth Mama, Karuna Atta, and Saranga came to see us (Arundhathi was sick :/). To be honest I was dreading this moment for some reasons. I was not concerned seeing Atta and Mama after so long. I have a tendency to be able to speak nicely and freely with most adults. But with Arundhathi and Saranga, I was super apprehensive because the last time we saw them, they were 4 and 5 respectively. When you’re young, you’ll play with anyone that’s there without being conscious at all. But after 12 of no contact, I had no idea what to expect, and figured it would be the most awkward experience of the whole trip. Let me back track, we did have some “interaction”with Arundhathi and Saranga before our trips. I few years ago, someone named Yamini Arundhathi added me on Facebook but the profile picture was of Selena Gomez so I was confused. Later when I told Amma she told me it was OUR Arundhathi and I was shocked. She messaged me a few times here and there and I thought it was so sweet that she was making such an effort to reach out so she immediately stole a place in my heart. I remember being super fond of her even when she was a baby so I was happy that there was another reason I could love her more. Saranga is a completely different story. When we were kids, I remember trying to be nice to him but him being more interested in Sriya and her Pokemon games than me so that wasn’t cool. Plus he always annoyed us for Starburst candies every five seconds so that ticked me off. I figured he’d still be pretty annoying. Most of the 17 year old Telugu boys I know are super cocky and annoying, they are not talkative or expressive and are only interested in themselves and their friends and phone. I expected nothing less from him. Not to mention, when he added me on Facebook, my first thought when I saw his picture was that he was a heartbreaker. I know it’s not fair of me to come into meeting them with preconceived notions but I think deep down I was trying to mentally prepare myself of that because it had been so long since we saw or interacted with each other, not to have high hopes for any kind of relationship to form. That we weren’t meant to have some great bond form with these cousins. But that day I observed some really remarkable things about him. He was such a social person, talking to all the adults as if they were his best friends. He was not on his phone, and really had a great rapport with each person in the room. Besides for interjecting my opinion once or twice, I mostly just sat and listened to the conversations. That day I at least figured that hey he’s a nice kid and gets along with everyone which is nice, but I have no idea if we’ll have anything in common at all. My favorite part was as they were leaving, Karuna Atta said to Amma “it must be so nice to have three girls” and Amma had this expression on her face that was so priceless I could not stop laughing. The next day morning I woke up ridiculously early and started helping Amma clean the kitchen counters. After some time, Amma left to do something else and I was just sitting on the floor wiping dishes when Saranga came over. Amma told him to make toast so then he came to the kitchen. My first thought was “Shit, now I have to talk to this kid. Hopefully he’ll converse and not be awkward.” Turns out it wasn’t awkward at all. It was actually the opposite of that. We talked so freely about school, driving, the education system, complaining about everything, you know the stuff most youngsters our age talk about. And even when Peddakka and Srivi came in, we sat and talked for a few hours which we all loved I think.

Over the next few weeks we were so ridiculously busy. Amma would help Ammamma around the house in the mornings, then after lunch we would all nap and then go shopping or take care of other things. It was a fun bonding time for us with Amma because we would crack jokes about everything really, from the traffic and horrific road signs to each other but it was just such a light mood. One of my favorite parts was every night we would find some way to buy corn on the side of the road. Theres nothing else quite like it. A few days into our trip, Arundhathi came over to see us and she was as pretty if not more beautiful than what her pictures showed. I was so happy to see her (not gonna lie I was kinda obsessed with her but I didn’t want to freak her out because she didn’t know how crazy we were…..yet) and she asked us if we wanted to see a movie. So sure enough the three of us, Arundhathi and Saranga went to go see Ghostbusters. We walked into the theater late and even though the film stars some of the funniest comedians, the title has ghost in it so I knew I’d get freaked out. I usually make Srivi hold my hand during movies like these because I get so scared but I didn’t want to make Arundhathi and Saranga uncomfortable so I tried to refrain myself. I was pleasantly surprised when at a scary part, I suddenly felt a hand wrap around my arm and slowly inch it’s way up to my hand. Arundhathi was just as scared as me but what I loved more was that she instantly felt so comfortable with us that she could do that which meant a lot. I thought nobody would make fun of me but then a ghost popped out, I jumped and both Arundhathi and I screamed, and Saranga Peddakka and Srivi proceeded to tease us the rest of the night.

Our time in Hyderabad was very enjoyable. Because we didn’t have internet the first two weeks we were there, we were forced to interact with everyone and each other more which was refreshing. The three of us would walk to the bakery Thathayya used to take us to when we were little and get pastries, and after much convincing, Amma even let us walk to the grocery store by ourselves. We did a TON of shopping, and got to see family we haven’t seen in ages. One highlight was definitely seeing Raghu Peddananna, who we grew up with as he lived down the street from us our entire lives. It had been close to 8 years since we had seen him last and when we went to his place and I saw the toll age had done to him, I got extremely emotional and started tearing up, but luckily nobody saw my tears. One night, Thathayya said he had a story that he wanted us to hear, write, and record so we spent almost an hour doing that. It was a fun way to spend time with him and you could tell that he thoroughly enjoyed reciting his story to us. We also went to our Tatagaru’s tadinam and saw the rest of our Peddananna’s, Doddas, Vadinas, Attas, and Anna’s on Nanna’s side which was nice. We visited family mostly, at even though they stuffed us to the brim with food, we felt happy knowing they were happy to see us.

Then we took the 4 hour car journey to Vijayawada to see Chinnamamma. Usually, as soon as I get in a car, I fall asleep but this trip, I was mesmerized by the beautiful sites of the agricultural aspects of South India. It was so green I couldn’t believe it. Such a contrast from the gray that you saw everywhere in the city. We reached Vijayawada late in the night so we just passed out when we got there. But the next morning we woke up super early because we were doing a tour of the small villages and temples surrounding Vijayawada. We went to Movva, Srikakulandhra MahaVishnu, and a few other temples, and then we went to the village of Kuchipudi. In Kuchipudi, we got to see the Kuchipudi Kalakshetra there and even got to dance which was a dream come true. Then we went to the famous Balatripura Sundari Temple there. I was sick so I didn’t go inside but Peddakka, Amma, Chinnammamma, and Srivi did. I ended up staying in the car. I thought they’d be gone for maybe 20 minutes, but almost 2 hours later they trickled out of the temple. I guess they went in for darsanam, then they had to wait for the pujari to come. He came and during the puja, Peddakka and Srivi ended up singing AND dancing, and then after the puja they all stood around and talked for a while. But after they all came out, we took pictures of the beautiful temple (it was featured in our Rangapravesam invitation but it was so cool to see it in real life). While we were driving from one village to the next, the views of the rice fields with the workers and trees against the horizon were so breathtaking we had to stop and take pictures. It literally looked like scenes out of the movies. The funniest part of the day though was somehow despite sitting in the car most of the day, my face ended up getting covered in a zillion mosquito bites or I had an allergic reaction to something and my face got super swollen so  I was in a lot of discomfort. When we got home, I took some Benadryl and fell asleep. The next morning at breakfast, we were talking and I guess Srivi and Peddakka were super concerned in the middle of the night because they saw me and it looked like I wasn’t breathing so they were scared I died from anaphylactic shock. I don’t know it made me laugh when they told me.

The next day we went to the vegetable market (which was so cool, WAY different than stores in the states) and ran some other errands. We spent the entire afternoon shopping for saris at Kalaniketan which was a dream come true for Amma. And on our supposed final day in Vijayawada we were going to the infamous Durga Temple. We climbed the steps, did Darsanam, and sat in the temple for a bit. Even though it was super early in the morning, it was still pretty humid and hot so we were getting tired. As we were leaving, Amma said we needed to take Devi Prasadam which was perugu annam (yogurt rice). But it was this weird gray color and I instantly did not feel like eating it, so I told Amma no. But she said it was prasadam and we had to eat it so Srivi and  I literally at one grain of the rice each and Amma and Peddakka split the rest. By the time we got home, everyone was tired so we all slept. Turns out it wasn’t just us being tired. Srivi and I ended up getting heat exhaustion and Peddakka and Amma were sick all day. It was sad because some relatives and friends came from super far away to see us but we were so sick we just slept the entire time. The next morning we ended up driving back to Hyderabad (it was a Sunday and we were leaving for Thirupati the next morning), and to say we were all pretty miserable was an understatement. Peddakka was super sick and spent most of the day throwing up, while Srivi and I lay in bed and watched movies all day.

We woke up early the next morning to get ready to go to the airport to go to Thirupati. Chandu Anna was taking the bus and was supposed to meet us there. We had a good flight and got to Thirupati which was so ridiculously hot. Then we met our driver, picked up Chandu Anna, and got dropped off at the bottom of the Srivari Metlu to climb the seven hills to Thirupati. There were 2350 steps and it was definitely easier than I expected. But one of the most incredible things I witnessed while climbing those steps were the dozens of elderly people who were making the climb along with us. These thin old men were carrying large bundles on their head, women were practically dragging themselves up the steps chanting “Govinda, Govinda!”. It was such a testament to see their devotion for the Lord, to put themselves through that physical burden in order to get even just a short glimpse of Him. Poor Peddakka was throwing up the whole way and yet even she persevered and in 2.5 hours we made it to the top. That night we all just ordered food and the three of us slept while Amma and Chandu Anna went and did special darsanam.

The next two days were filled with beautiful pujas and seeing the Lord. The first day puja we woke up at 3 in the morning to make it there by 5. We sat inside the temple, men on the left and women on the right, staring at the closed doors anticipating the moment when the doors would open. The second the doors opened, I was overwhelmed with emotions and started crying. I’ve always struggled with figuring out what my connection was to God in the large scheme of things and in that moment, I felt these feelings of extreme love, comfort, and protection completely take over me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment for as long as I live. We also drove down the hills to see Kalahasti, and a few other temples. On the drive down, Srivi and I kept making references to the movie Sri Venkateswara Mahathyam and imaging where Venkateswara Swamy and Padmavati were in relation to where we were driving during the song Kalaga Kamani Kalaga. Amma and Chandu Anna got a huge kick out of it.

After our wonderful Thirupati trip, we headed back to Hyderabad. We thought the sickness Peddakka had would go away in a day or two. But she was throwing up for days and couldn’t keep any food down for longer than a few minutes. And one thing about Peddakka is that she NEVER complains about being sick unless she really feels like crap. So Amma finally took her back to the doctor, who said she had gastroenteritis, was extremely dehydrated, and needed to be admitted to the hospital. That was kind of scary because I know how reckless doctors in india are but Amma was with her so we were all reassured. It was kind of bumming though because we didn’t get to celebrate Varalakshmi Vratam they way we wanted to because Peddakka was in the hospital. Originally, Amma was going to get saris/langas for us three, Arundhathi, and Shreya and have us all wear them for the puja. Then, she was going to call everyone over and make lunch. It would’ve been a nice day to spend with family. But that’s okay, even though it didn’t happen then, we still got to spend a whole day with the ENTIRE family for the first time since Sreenu Mama and Satya Atta’s wedding. That evening though, we went to two parantams with Satya Atta and Shreya and of course we had to sing. But it was a nice break from the usual 20+ Varalakshmi Vratam parantams that we have to go to here.

The following day, Devi Pinni flew from Delhi to see us and we were so excited! We spent the day with her talking and catching up. And people were constantly in and out of the house which was nice. Sreenu Mama and Satya Atta came from Warangal the Thursday before so everyone was around. The following day was August 15th so we planned to make sure EVERYONE was coming over for lunch. So ever since I got interested in photography I’ve had this dream that whenever I eventually made it to India, I would have a big family photoshoot with everyone and Ammamma and Thathayya. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years. So when Amma told me everyone was coming over for lunch that day, I called everyone telling them that we would be doing some family pictures for like an hour and to dress nicely (well as nice as they wanted to appear in the photos). So sure enough, everyone came and was eating lunch, and you could see how happy Ammamma was to have everyone together in one place. It was in that moment that I realized how much I loved these people and that I really did miss out on the love you can only feel from family. After lunch, I made everyone go out to the porch where we proceeded to take pictures for literally an hour. Pretty sure I annoyed everyone with how particular I am about pictures (but nothing beats Amma and her making sure everyone’s feet were in the frames). We laughed, made jokes, and had great conversations all afternoon and then it was time for Sreenu Mama and Satya Atta to go back to Warangal. After they left, Saranga, Arundhathi, Srivi, and I made a spontaneous decision to go see a movie together so we left also. We ended up seeing Tikka, which was literally the worst movie in the history of the world, but we had so much fun cracking jokes, cheering randomly, and making comments throughout that it was enjoyable. The movie ended, we got pizza (India pizza is weird they put pepper flakes in the sauce for some reason), and then we came home.

While Devi Pinni was here, we took care of things for Ammamma and even went shopping (are you really surprised?), and on the last day she was here, we went to do Pushkaralu Snanam in the Krishna River. It was such a unique experiences I’m so glad I can say I’ve done it at least once in my life. The water was strong, as if Devi was pulling us towards her, and it was so so warm. After the snanam, we changed our clothes then went to the Jogalamba Ammavaru temple which was beautiful. We did darsanam and a puja, then exited to see the Tungabadra river that the temple resides on. This was another one of those moments that felt like a scene out of a movie. The water was so beautiful and the had these small boats made out of bamboo and tar floating on the river. When Karuna Atta asked if I wanted to ride one, I immediately said yes, so Amma said she would accompany me. We went on the boat like Abhimanyudu and Sashirekha in Mayabazar and took a bunch of pictures. The best was when Amma goes, “Chinna, let’s take a selfie!”. The ride was only about 20 minutes but it was amazing. Then we got back in our cars, and drove to Gadwal where we were forced to spend 2 hours while Karuna Atta, Amma, and Devi Pinni looked at and bought traditional saris from the weavers. They loved it, we did not.

Before we realized it, our trip had come to an end and we were finishing the last few things we planned before we had to head back home. On the weekend, we had a bunch of family and friends to go visit. We spent the day at Ammadu Dodda’s house singing, eating (there is nobody in this world who can cook like Ammadu Dodda, seriously the best food I’ve had), picking flowers, and just spending time together. Also, we tied rakhis for Saranga during this trip for the first time (we might have done it in 2002 but we were all little so I don’t think it counts) and it felt like he was officially accepting the role of our brother which was cool. Plus he brought us the cutest cupcakes ever that was really sweet. We also went and visited Ramana Babai, Deepa Pinni, and Samhitha (Sahithi was at college). We’re used to seeing Ramana Babai fairly often and our connection as older kids with Deepa Pinni is also there, but it really boggles my mind that there are some relationships that you can’t understand. Within 10 seconds of walking into their house, I felt like I grew up in that home to. I was relaxed and had no shame, and we spent the afternoon catching up on old times. It’s also crazy how similar the Sonti and Vishnubhotla sisters are. We all like the EXACT same things. We meshed so seamlessly it was as if we had interacted our entire lives. We also went to see a few other family members and then we went home because we made plans to see a movie with Saranga and Arundahti.

We five decided to go see the movie Pelli Choopulu because it had gotten so many good reviews. We had a typical movie experience, just having out, eating food, and talking. I loved going to movies with them because they would scream and make comments just like we did so it was never awkward. So we watched the movie and everything was great. It wasn’t that late yet so we decided to go get food. We drove around and listened to music then they took us to this small pizza place. Now keep in mind, we had had some good conversations throughout our trip but like we only really knew each other on a superficial level. We got down and ordered our pizza and were having a basic conversation. I can’t tell you how it happened because I still can’t wrap my head around it but we ended up having this huge heart to heart talk about our experiences and our lives and stuff. Before we realized it, almost 3 hours went by. We ended up going home late and getting in trouble but it was so worth it. Talking about it now, we all feel like that was the real moment we all clicked. And from then on we’ve become inseparable. Even Ammamma realized that because one day in passing she made a comment that she was so happy that we all got along and clicked so well despite the years of no communication.

And then just like that our trip came to an end. On our last day in India, we went and got mehendi (I mean you can’t come to India and not get mehendi), then Raghu Peddananna came home for lunch, and we started packing. At 4:00pm, Arundhathi picked the three of us up and we went to get Saranga from college. We got him, then went to Subway and pigged out and talked. Then they took us to the best dessert place in the world, Guilt Trip, where we had red velvet cupcakes, cheesecake, Oreo shakes, and stuffed our faces more. Then finally it was time to go home and finish packing before we had to leave. Saranga, Arundhathi, and Srikanth Mama were going to be dropping us off at the airport. So from that morning, I was trying really hard not to get sentimental. I had kind of convinced myself that this could be the last time we went to India for a while and to make it count. And while we were out of the house, I wasn’t thinking about it too much. But around 9pm when I went to take a shower, those thoughts started creeping into my mind and by the time I came out of the bathroom, I had already began to tear up. Ammamma saw me, and said “Why are you crying?”and then the waterworks just started flowing out, so she held me and let me cry. When Amma saw me she was like “you’ve already started huh?”. Srivi and Peddakka made fun of me while Saranga and Arundhathi kept telling me not to which only make me want to cry more. But the worst was when Thathayya woke up and realized we were leaving. We took blessings from them and then he started crying, which broke my heart and made me sob. Then Saranga said, “let’s all go to Maama and Tata’s room and sit with him.” so we all went. I sat on the bed with Thathayya while everyone else sat on the floor against the wall. Thathayya and I were just holding each other crying while Thathayya told us all how we’re family and we need to stick together and be there for each other. How him and Ammamma won’t be around much longer so we need to be a unit and stay strong to carry our legacy on (you only imagine what kind of emotional wreck I was). Eventually everyone else started crying because it was just too emotional. Then he told Peddakka to become a good teacher, me to study hard and be a great nurse, and told Srivi to take her medicine on time (we all burst into laughter). And then the time came for us to leave. We recorded a hilarious dubsmash together, took some pictures, and then drove to the airport. Amma and Srikanth Mama went in one car with all the luggage, and the five of us crammed in the back of the other car and talked until we got the the airport. And just like that we gave our goodbye hugs, and were on our way back to the states.

 

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had for this trip. Even though it sucked so much not going for over a decade, I think it helped us appreciate our culture and traditions more, and really value the relationships we have with family back home. And little did I know that a month or so later, I would be booking tickets to fly back to India for a second time ;)